No more beers.

So if anyone is wondering if the beer review/story telling show I used to have called Blake Drinks Beer is coming back, I was diagnosed with Celiac disease 2 weeks ago so lol no.

So far I’m bummed to see that there isn’t a .gin domain extension.

Whoops

Only lost one post. I recently migrated off Dreamhost to a FreeBSD server on Linode. Last night  I was doing routine updates from the bar and broke MySQL somehow. Then I tried installing mariadb instead and lol shitshow.

FreeBSD users: DO NOT INSTALL MARIADB103. IT’S B0RKED. USE MARIADB102.

Also, maybe do a mysqldump after every wordpress update. Good practice.

Hide all the memes

Hello,

I would like to suggest expanding the functionality for hiding and unfollowing content in the News Feed to include memes in general. This would be a bit of work, but your current facial recognition software makes it totally doable. For example, I click the options on a post, and in between “Hide all from this terrible page” and “Unfollow this racist I went to high school with”, it would be great to have “Hide every other graphic based on this guy checking out that woman’s ass while his angry girlfriend stares at him like she’s about to go home and break all of his shit.”

Others could be “Hide all graphics that are clearly screen shot from Instagram”, or “Hide all references to what Drake does and does not approve of”, or “Hide all posts that feature ‘Wake Up’ in Arial Black.”

In fact, if you could target this kind of content and de-prioritize it in everyone’s News Feed, this would show great effort on your part given all the crap you’re presently getting from the government and media for allowing inaccurate vitriol to take over the internet.

Seriously, I’m only here to know when my friends bands are playing and what they had for lunch. This would be a great improvement on the quality of life of a lot of people.

Thanks!
Blake


So, I’m considering just developing this as a Firefox plugin, but there are a few things wrong with that:

  1. I hate Javascript.
  2. It would have to send information about all images to a service I run in the cloud somewhere to verify the images against a database for facial recognition, text layout and other common templates. Steaming everyone’s social media activity through my private server would be as unethical as…. wait, pretty much any other thing that says “Sign in with Facebook.” Huh.

I’m sorry, Facebook…

Facebook and I don’t have the best history. Every couple years or so, I archive and delete my account because I was flagged for trolling. I pretty much get out as soon as problems are starting, then make a shiny new one that doesn’t have a bunch of complaints and flame wars against it.

Well, I’ve been good lately. But a couple of things might have set them off:
1. I had no picture showing my face, just the one Alex Cady drew of me.
2. I’m sometimes logged in from my home connection and my company VPN at the same time, our VPN being all the way down in San Jose.

So, my account was disabled for “suspicious activity” even though I had 2FA on and my email uses a $50 custom domain. They ask me to submit a photo, not an ID like I’ve heard of, but just a photo that shows my face, because their facial recognition software is lonely or some shit. Alright, do I even have anything recent? Then I find this terrible selfie I took after eating a burger smothered in carolina reaper sauce:

Okay, so within 72 hours they’ll email me. Whatever. To keep things meta,¬† I start bitching about one social media website on another.

But then, I noticed they actually respond to tech support inquiries on their own Twitter account:

Okay, let’s get Facebook’s attention.

Okay, so at this point I’ve had it with this shit. Their online form to submit your ID to get your account re-enabled doesn’t even work. So I found out that disabled@facebook.com is a thing, and I emailed it promptly.

Dearest Facebook technical support representive,

It is with deep sorrow I inform you that your system has forsaken me. I was but a passing thought in the mind of your suspicious activity aggregator, and it cast me aside as if it never even noticed me. I await in the dark, longing for its reply, tearful that I may never hear from it ever again.

I remember its last words to me, poignant, stark,
“You Can’t Log In Right Now
Thanks for sending your photo. We’ll email you within 72 hours if it meets our requirements.
Right now, your account has been disabled as a security precaution.”

Each day, I waited. No word. Is the aggregator okay? It wasn’t killed in the great cyberwar, was it? Please don’t tell me I am awaiting a folded printout of source code with a medal, rather than an email from my beloved. My heart cannot take it.

Desperate, I tried to contact it using your form, My Personal Account was Disabled form, providing it my ID, desperate for it to send it along. It told me “Your account isn’t disabled.”

What is this? Is my love lying to me? I still see its notice when I attempt to login.

Please, I will provide whatever you need. My ID. My birth certificate. A vile of blood. Just please, let me know that my beloved suspicious activity aggregator is okay.

Love,
Blake Hartshorn

So, I decided to tweet at them to make sure they saw it:

And yes! They responded almost immediately!

Hi,

It doesn’t look like we can help you with the problem you’re having from here. We’re sorry for the inconvenience.

If you’re still looking for help with this, the Help Center is a great place to find answers to frequently asked questions and up-to-date forms you can use to get in touch with us:

https://www.facebook.com/help

Thanks,
The Facebook Team

Well… fuck.

So you apparently can’t troll your way back into Twitter. It’s 2 days past the 72 hour window. Expect a friend request from a new account that will probably get deleted also. Just follow me on Twitter: @BeerDrinksBlake or Snapchat: AtomicCuntPunt instead.

The Goddamn Rodham

Since the news media is losing their shit over Hillary’s performance last night and playing Sanders “tired of hearing about your damn emails” quote on infinite repeat, I’m going to assume she’s safe to make fun of again.

goddamnrodham

Cats OMG!

Barfed this onto Facebook as I’ve been getting sick of responding to memes with actual legislative documents and mainstream news sources.

catmeme

H1||4ry4prez

Don’t get me wrong, I actually am a Clinton supporter. I’ve been having kidney problems though, thus have a prescription for Norco, got bored and this happened.

hillaryforprez